They picked me up and brought me out to the plane. Now first of all, this plane was tiny. It definitely stood there for a second and thought, “Maybe I should have thought this one through….” But I mean I felt that way about scuba diving, horseback riding and Scooteroo. Worrying about it just takes away from the experience. So I got in anyways.
So we’re in the plane, and we’re just cruising down the grass runway and the pilot tells me to steer. Now I did not want to do this. Surely this is why you pay someone, so that they will steer: hopefully well, and hopefully the whole time.
But the plane is veering towards the trees so in the name of self-preservation I grabbed the wheel and desperately tried to steer us. Now ok. We’re all over the place. Back and forth down the runway, while the pilot’s telling me “Careful of the wings, you’re gonna clip the trees!” and his super studly son is in the back seat going, “You’re overcorrecting!” And I’m just thinking, “Why is no one helping me??? I’m steering a freaking plane!”
Then the pilot’s like, “Ya know what you’re problem is?” never so desperately had I actually wanted to know the answer to this question. He goes, “I’ve been steering down here the whole time.” After I was done picking my jaw up off the floor, I couldn’t help but laugh my face off in relief. I’m all panicking like, “How am I going to pay for a freaking plane if I crash it?” and the whole time the pilot was steering and the studly pilot’s son was totally in on it. Boo.
This is all before we’ve even left the ground.
We take off and initially I’m lured back into trusting the pilot as he’s showing us the sights and we’re all chatting. Then he asks me if I want me to take my picture. Now, in retrospect, I probably should have been concerned that the pilot was going to be preoccupied with my camera and not flying the plane. But I wasn’t.
Actually, later in the flight, he answered his cell phone. Can believe, we can’t talk on a cell phone or answer a text message while operating a car, but he’s up there in the friendly skies on his cell phone. And he got reception. I don’t even get reception in the hostel. Not fair.
Anyways, I was down to have him take my picture. So I handed him my camera, and he lines it up as if to take a picture of both of us, and he says, “You smiling?” To which I answer, “Always!” and he sends the plane into a nosedive.
Oh my god. OH MY GOD! I let out the loudest shriek; it was the biggest stomach drop of my life. I just, wow. So then he recovers, and they all have a hearty laugh at my expense. And just when I thought we were all cool and having fun HE DID IT AGAIN. Now THIS was the loudest shriek and I grabbed his arm. I couldn’t help myself, the plane was going down! He said that in the past people have pushed down on the wheel, thrown up on him, and the like, so I guess an arm grab isn’t too bad.
And he let me steer. Like actually. He starts out, “Now you don’t have to do much to steer the plane. Just be gentle” At first I didn’t even touch the wheel, until he was like, “Too gentle. Ya gotta at least…” and he took my hands and showed me. It was sweet but super scary.
We landed on the beach and went for a walk, which is where I gashed my foot open. I feel it throbbing right now just thinking about it.
We took some sweet pictures with the plane. And then the pilot was showing me a sand crab I think, and for a picture put it in my hair. Anything for a good picture. Now this was all good and fun until it got stuck in my hair. And of coarse the pilot wouldn’t get it out, so Studly Jr had to. All the while, he’s like, “it’s little claws are clamped on your hair” and then it’s, “It’s trying to borough into your head” to which it’s was like, “My parents paid a lot for that big sexy brain, get the crab out of there!!!!” Many pictures and a lot of squirming later, we got the crab out and continued our beach walk.
We saw a ton of Warrior Crabs. So freaky, they look like big blue spiders and they travel in
packs. The boys are all playing with them and scooping them up, taunting me that they’re going to put them down my pants while I run away, when something hits me in the arm. And I was just like, “Did you just throw a crab at me?” Studly Jr totally threw a crab at me!
Then we headed back to plane, leaving a trail of blood behind me while my cut filled up with sand. Throbbing. So we got back into the plane, and of coarse there were a few more tricks, but this time I was in the back seat with Studly Jr. Didn’t mind the dives as much. And we safely made it home. In one piece.
Finally, safe, in bed with my bandaged feet, regularly applying Neosporin. I lead a sexy life if nothing else. I was supposed to try kite surfing tomorrow. But I just don’t know if that’s gonna happen if I’m still hobbling just to get to the toilet.
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